Yes, I must admit that all of my life i’ve been a huge fan of the “Hypothetical Question”, and I can’t really think of why. I love nothing better than some “chatting time” with a buddy, or friend on a slow day at work, or some time to kill while waiting in a long line and then asking a “What if” question.
What I would notice about myself is that no matter what answer they would provide, I would eventually see what path they chose in their answer, where they found their “moral ground” in whatever the situation was, and I would then immediately begin to push them into grey territory. Life was no fun in the black and white areas… grey all the way! 🙂
So when I recently got into one of my moods, and you’ll know it when I start something like , “Hey, i’m bored. Let me ask you a personal question?” LOL. This is when you should run… not walk to your nearest exit.
Of course they will always say, “Sure.” At least if they are really any kind of friend they will, and that’s when I say, “So… if you were in a long-term relationship with someone… what line would they have to cross for you to consider them to be unfaithful or cheating?”
Before I go on, let me recommend that you ask your close friends this question whenever your feeling mischievous (which I apparently do when i get bored). So far the one constant that I noticed, and I hope someone follows up with a comment to see if they received the same reaction, is that at some point after that question, your friend WILL ASK YOU, “Why are you asking me this? What did you do??? Did you cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife???”, and they will then NOT BELIEVE YOU when you laugh and say, “NO! Why would you think that!!!! Where did that come from!!!!”
In my friends defense… I will say that I have a big smile on my face and I start laughing when I respond “NO”… so at least I understand why they don’t believe ME right off the bat! hehehehehe.
Anyway, the criteria was this. When would you consider your significant other “cheating” within these 5 steps. When?:
Step 1: They found someone attractive and had frequent thoughts of interaction, romance, physical connection with that person?
Step 2: If they start ACTING on these frequent thoughts but haven’t had any physical/sexual contact. Trying to get into a one-on-one situation, flirting, intimate contact like holding their hand, touching their shoulder, giving hugs and kisses on the cheek BUT NOT ON LIPS. Basically pursuing those feelings.
Step 3: Actual kissing (tap kiss on lips… no tongue), joking, flirting, and playing around (like a joking slap on the butt). Maybe sexual jokes and innuendo in addition to kiss. What would fall under, “Oh, that’s just harmless flirting!”
Step 4: Dirty talking, and full kiss (sensual and with tongue) , light groping
Step 5: Full out sex, intercourse, oral, etc.
Now, I can go on for a while on all of the responses that i heard. What I will say for now is that men and women generally had some interesting viewpoints on this. The range went from a Step 1, where THINKING ABOUT IT meant that the person was cheating (i’ll let you guess if it was a man or a woman who felt this way) or crossing the line with… to one person (still think that they were just messing with me) who told me with a serious face, that as long as they weren’t leaving the spouse for this person, and that they didn’t LOVE this person that they are having sex with… it isn’t cheating!!!! (Yeah…. i laughed pretty hard at that one! 🙂
I’ll follow up another day, but let me know what you think… or better yet… what you hear!